Snake on Full House!
by SamandMax
Summary: Using the latest in digital technology, I actually added Snake in a real episode of Full House entitled "Breaking up is Hard to Do". It's so seamless, you won't even notice Snake wasn't in the original episode!


Breaking Up Is Hard to Do  
  
SCENE ONE  
  
FADE IN:  
  
EXT. BACKYARD - DAY  
  
(JOEY FINISHES POURING A LARGE BAG OF  
  
SAND INTO THE SANDBOX. DANNY LOOKS ON.   
  
SNAKE IS PLAY CROQUET BY HIMSELF)   
  
DANNY  
  
Joey, is it really necessary to  
  
put sand in the sandbox?   
  
JOEY  
  
This is our first time  
  
babysitting Michelle's new  
  
playgroup. Don't you want to  
  
make a good impression on  
  
Michelle's friends?   
  
  
  
DANNY  
  
Joey, they're three years  
  
old. And you know that sand is  
  
going to end up in my house.  
  
Trapped in my carpet fibers,  
  
hiding in our bedsheets,  
  
glomming onto bars of soap,  
  
and driving us into the street.   
  
SNAKE  
  
I hope it drives you into the street.  
  
I hate you people, THIS IS MY HOUSE!  
  
JOEY  
  
Fine. We'll just leave it  
  
empty. The kids will have lots  
  
of fun building air castles.   
  
(STEPHANIE ENTERS WITH AN APPLE IN HER  
  
MOUTH)   
  
STEPHANIE  
  
Addy! Addy!  
  
(STEPHANIE MUMBLES SOMETHING)  
  
DANNY  
  
Honey, I can't understand you  
  
with that apple in your mouth.   
  
SNAKE  
  
She's saying how much she hates  
  
you.  
  
(DANNY PULLS THE APPLE OUT OF  
  
STEPHANIE 'S MOUTH)  
  
JESSE  
  
Now what did you say?  
  
STEPHANIE  
  
I said don't pull that apple  
  
out of my mouth.   
  
  
  
JOEY  
  
Look, your loose tooth is stuck  
  
in the apple.   
  
SNAKE  
  
Yeesh. That's child abuse.  
  
(STEPHANIE SEES HER TOOTH STUCK IN THE  
  
APPLE)   
  
STEPHANIE  
  
It's out! What a relief. I  
  
was jiggling it around with my  
  
tongue for a week. It kept  
  
hanging by this one little skin  
  
string.   
  
(THE GUYS CRINGE. SNAKE LAUGHS)   
  
JOEY  
  
We get the picture.  
  
STEPHANIE  
  
I'm gonna put this under my  
  
pillow right now for the Tooth  
  
Fairy! This thing is money in  
  
the bank.   
  
(SHE RUNS INTO THE HOUSE)  
  
CUT TO:   
  
  
  
SCENE TWO  
  
INT. LIVING ROOM - COUNTINUOUS ACTION  
  
(D.J. ENTERS DRESSED FOR HORSEBACK  
  
RIDING. SNAKE IS SITTING ON THE COUCH)   
  
D.J.  
  
Hello?! I've got a greatstory  
  
to tell! I nees someone to  
  
tell it to!   
  
SNAKE  
  
Well you ain't telling it  
  
to me, I hate you people.  
  
(STEPHANIE COMES RUNNING IN FROM THE  
  
KITCHEN)   
  
STEPHANIE  
  
Look! My tooth come out!  
  
(SHE SHOWS HER THE APPLE)   
  
D.J.  
  
That's nothing. I jumped my  
  
first fence today.   
  
SNAKE  
  
Oh yeah? Well I bought a new  
  
pair of shoes today, and you  
  
don't hear me gloating about  
  
it!  
  
STEPHANIE  
  
Big deal. You didn't jump it,  
  
your horse did.   
  
SNAKE  
  
Both of you! Shut up! I'm trying to eat my cereal!   
  
D.J.  
  
So, you didn't lose your tooth,  
  
your gums did. I jumped a fence.   
  
(THE GIRLS START UPSTAIRS)  
  
SNAKE  
  
Hey? Why're you going upstairs! YOU HAVE TO WASH THE DAMN DISHES!  
  
STEPHANIE  
  
That tooth fairy is gonna make  
  
me a rich woman. I've never  
  
heard of any fence fairy.  
  
SNAKE  
  
That's the worst joke I've ever heard.   
  
Truly horrible. Worse than Jesse's  
  
"Air Castle" line.  
  
(THE GIRLS EXIT AS REBECCA ENTERS AT THE  
  
FRONT DOOR. SHE CALLS BACK OUTSIDE)   
  
REBECCA  
  
C'mon partner, mosey on in here.  
  
(JESSE LIMPS IN, BOWLEGGED AND  
  
EXTREMELY SADDLE-SORE. HIS RIDING  
  
CLOTHES ARE CAKED WITH MUD)   
  
SNAKE  
  
Ughhhh...This is going to be wrong, I   
  
can tell already.  
  
REBECCA  
  
What an actor. You know you  
  
had fun.   
  
JESSE  
  
That horse threw me on  
  
purpose, He could've thrown me  
  
anytime. But Diablo waited.  
  
Waited three hours until my  
  
body was wracked with pain.  
  
Waited until we were five feet  
  
from the barn. Then he dumped  
  
me into a mud puddle. And then  
  
he laughed.   
  
(HE IMITATES A HORSE LAUGH)   
  
SNAKE  
  
Please, Jesse, never do that   
  
laugh again. I'll blow up the   
  
entire world if you do.  
  
REBECCA  
  
I promise, next time we go  
  
riding we'll find you a horse  
  
named Marshmallow.   
  
JESSE  
  
I think not. I've had a little  
  
chat with my butt and we  
  
decided there's not going to be  
  
a next time. I'm never going  
  
riding again.   
  
SNAKE  
  
No more talk about your ass. Please, for the love of god.  
  
REBECCA  
  
C'mon Jess, that's not fair. I  
  
do all the things you want to  
  
do.   
  
JESSE  
  
Like what?  
  
REBECCA  
  
Like go to hear your band play.  
  
JESSE  
  
Yeah, but that's fun.  
  
SNAKE  
  
No. No it isn't.  
  
REBECCA  
  
Well I think riding a horse is  
  
fun.   
  
JESSE  
  
Yeah, well what do they sell  
  
more of, CD's or ponies?   
  
SNAKE  
  
Well, they sell more ponies than   
  
'your' CD's, that's for sure.  
  
  
  
REBECCA  
  
What kind of twisted mind comes  
  
up with that?   
  
JESSE  
  
A mind that landed in the  
  
mud. All right, all right.  
  
Let's not start a big fight.  
  
We're better off just not  
  
talking about it. If you don't  
  
want to go to the Smash Club  
  
and hear me play tonight, then  
  
skip it.   
  
SNAKE  
  
I know I will.  
  
(GETTING ROMANTIC)  
  
JESSE  
  
Now come on. how about a nice  
  
soothing back rub?   
  
REBECCA  
  
Well, okay. I could really use  
  
one.   
  
SNAKE  
  
Get a hotel room.  
  
(THEY LAUGH AND KISS)  
  
(JESSE IMITATES HORSE LAUGH)  
  
SNAKE  
  
Well, I told you I'd blow up the world if you do that again.  
  
(SNAKE BLOWS UP THE WORLD)  
  
ANNOUNCER  
  
Full House was filmed in front   
  
of a live studio audience. 


End file.
